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Saturday, 01 November 2008
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please....
im a man i shed tears for you.. what else do you want to happen to me
trying to understand your feelings is the hardest things
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Parents.
OK parents do get annoying right?
they always want you to do things and pester you until you do it or reply
"hai, yeah,alright, yes, haer, hmmm"
when we reply, we never end up doing it...
think of it as a cycle. you say yes but don't do it, they come back, you say yes and don't do it, they come back..
but i realized for the past years Ive been with my parents, the things they tell me to do would have changed the person i am at this moment in my life. i feel the consequences of not listening to them because they have lived longer then we have where they will have more experience through things in life. absorb what they teach you or you will regret it..... like i have.....
like every asian parents, they want us to be either doctors, lawyers, something big in our lives to earn loads of $$$$$. they will sacrafice anything for their children to hope for them to have a greater future. they will pay for things like "kumon, tutors and buy thousands of books for you to read" TAKE THESE OPPERTUNITY'S TO BENEFIT YOUR FURTURE STUDIES BECAUSE THEY HELP SO BLOODY MUCH ITS NOT FUNNY THATS WHY IM WRITING IN CAPS!
i think there is soemthing wrong with me because i say all this and yet i dont go do it. now ill try to study, accomplish reading a book, learn how to perfect my english skills and more.. this requires total silence in the atmosphere i.e. home alone and when im less active. this is going to be a challenge ill have to take on and kill my own weaknesses!!!
Friday, 31 October 2008
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This feeling..
when ever I'm laying down on my bed these questions always come across me.
why do i feel like this after i talked to her?
why am i always making mistakes?
why do i always mess things up?
did she really love me?
hmmmmmm...
it all began on a perfect Saturday, where we met it did not matter..
as we walked under the blue sky together, she decided to go to the book store to show me some "interesting" books.
we had our laughs then left the store and began to walk down the mall. i tried to talk to her but i was too shy
. when ever i looked at her, she looked back at me which made me feel more nervous. i had to think of some things to talk about but i had also tried not to make it turn into a STUPID conversation. as we were chattering, we walked pass a ice cream store, and she pulled me in without me noticing because she was a few baby steps behind me. she ordered a mint and banana ice cream and offered me some feeding me. no one had ever done that to me before BTW. i felt special 
. as she was eating her ice cream, a bloody great idea came to mind. "lets go watch a movie" ...so i asked her and she agreed with me. So we left the cafe and began walking down towards the cinema's. as we arrived, i stood there looking at what movies were out. there were all GAY movies out at that time and i was like OMG... so i asked her "which one you want to watch"? and she didn't reply but looked at me blankly. i stood there looking at her, unable to take my eyes off her. i opened my arms and she jumped in and gave me the most loving cuddle ever!!!
it felt as if we didn't want to ever let go because i was assure we were feeling the same things at the time which was
_________. she had a beautiful fragrant on her which smelt like roses. i tried not to think what brand it was LOL but i was too busy hugging the hell out of her..
it got late and she had to leave so we ended up not watching a movie but cuddling each other for 10mins. we walked together to her bus stop and waited for her bus. when we arrived, the bus had just came. we hugged again and she had to go quickly because the bus driver looked like a smeely old fart not wanting to wait for anyone. we said our goodbyes and thats when we went our own ways. seperated from each other.
i dont want to talk about what happened next because its an unpleasent feeling ill get.. yet i ask her so many questions about the past of what happened but she would just get ignored and mad at me. everytime i had thought of those four questions above, there was just something that made me ask her. i was so so so curious of why she suddenly told me she did it for _________. yet i found the answer to that. when she said it at first it shattered my heart. i thought she felt the same way as i felt towards her but was it all a cover up? or was it the truth? here i go again asking myself questions.. this is what love does to you people... makes you obseseed with one, makes you so curious about things that happens to you, this is when you start to make mistakes... NEVER BRING UP THE PAST they hate it , but you still want to find the answers to why this happened, what went wrong blah blah blah... you end up feeling stupid but still try to get what you cant get... its fked i know.
so who made the mistake?
was it me or was it her?
i honestly dont know but i want to know... i want to get to rock bottom.
i want to be with her until my last breath. <3
but when will this happen. this year? next year? tomorrow? never?
lets just hope for the best, and the worst to never come. -
blah blah
have you ever pondered amongst thousands of thoughts?
then you just feel like telling someone and they just say "___blah blah___.
well i get it at times. it doesn't really bother me though because there
is always this someone that i talk to and really tells me the answers
to what i seek. his names PETER. yes we all know him,
and as a matter of fact his very gay ;)
you can call him prince charming if you wish, he doesn't care, well
that's what i think :/
er.......
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